I missed Igu Day this month, but I, too, am still not dead. Just dealing with a lot of time-consuming stuff, such as having to buy a new car and figure out how to use it (it’s crazy going from an ’04 to a ’21), making major rearrangements around & repairs to the house because the storms of late June & early July flooded our basement, and having spotty internet at home and at work for a variety of reasons. But enough about me.

This song comes to us from Omi, who wrote the music and lyrics. In a very short blog post from August 17, 2017 also titled “I’m still not dead,” Omi wrote:

There are times when I think that I wanna disappear, but no matter how many times I despair, no matter how many times I come to a stop, I keep screaming, “I’m still alive, I have to keep living!” In order to protect what’s important, and in order to live as myself. This is the best I can do to put it in words, but… In order to live as the one and only me.

Omi ended the post with something I’m not exactly sure how to translate. I’m not sure if the intended meaning is “Sorry for being a downer all the time” or “Sorry for being sick [depressed?] all the time.” Either way, she definitely ended with “LOL.”

☆

I’m still not dead

I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
saa kikasetekure
I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
mada ikiteiru nara

dare mo sukuenai nani mo sukuenai
zetsubou zetsubou kibou zetsubou… aa
sagesunda sono me ni korosareta akumu
hikanshugi no ketsurakusha

I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
saa kikasetekure
I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
mada ikiteiru nara

save me

oitsumerareta uchihishigareta
yokubou senbou enbou zetsubou… aa
gizen ego no mure deguchi no nai meiro
kuruisouna sekai de hitori kieru sono mae ni

I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
saa kikasetekure
I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
mada ikiteiru kara

I’m still not dead
You’re still not dead
kono mi wo kogasu shoudou
I’m still not dead
You’re still not dead
mada ikiteyaru kono sekai de

I’m still not dead

I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
C’mon, lemme hear you
I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
If I’m still alive

Can’t save anyone, can’t save anything
Despair despair hope despair…argh!
The bad dream killed by those eyes I despised
A fly-by-night pessimist*

I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
C’mon, lemme hear you
I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
If I’m still alive

Save me

Cornered, overwhelmed
Ambition envy resentment despair…argh!
A swarm of hypocrisy and egoism, a labyrinth with no way out
In a world on the verge of going crazy, before I disappear alone—

I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
C’mon, lemme hear you
I’m still not dead
I’m still not dead
Because I’m still alive

I’m still not dead
You’re still not dead
The drive that surges through my body
I’m still not dead
You’re still not dead
We’ll show the world, we’re gonna keep living

---

*The compound 欠落 can be read as both “ketsuraku” and “kakeochi.” The former means simply “lacking” while the latter refers both to lovers eloping and to people who leave their homes and hide when they’ve committed some crime or can’t pay back all the people they owe money to. That I could find, here for example, the compound 欠落者 is used to refer only to people who are running away and disguising their identity because they’ve committed a crime or are in debt. Hence why I went with “A fly-by-night pessimist.” But “A missing pessimist” might also be correct.